Joys, Sorrows, and Updates
It is crazy to think that I am a year removed from a decision to leave vocational ministry. As a refresher, I left full-time ministry in February to pursue more formal training in theology and counseling. I shared more about what that would look like in a previous entry in April. A great deal has happened since. This six-month span has served as a sample and mixture of joys, sorrows, and updates. In the following space, I will do my best to let you into them, share a bit of what I’m learning along the way, and conclude with a simple prayer request.
Joys
Let’s pick up where I left off in early April. I was working on school at a local coffee shop. I was auditing a Theology of Biblical Counseling class at that time to ease my way into the more robust coursework. The accompaniment to the lectures and testing materials is a book of the same title by Heath Lambert. In addition to being an informative read, the book also served as a conversation starter between myself and a wildly attractive woman named Chantelle.
Chantelle works at the coffee shop, and we had seen more of each other as I spent time studying there. As it turned out, she was (and is still) a student studying Biblical Counseling remotely. After a month of increased conversations, I scared her into a date (funny story), and our relationship took off from there.
I should interject here that, at that point, I was not interested in dating anyone. But when the Lord puts someone in your life with character, maturity, genuineness, and kindness who also shares the same aspirations and motivations, it’s a no-brainer! We were practically engaged by the end of our first date! We recognized, though, that we needed to give things due process. And boy, we had no idea what we were in for!
Recently, we have experienced a great deal of transition, change, and uncertainty. It has been difficult, but it has also turned mutual attraction into deep affection. Even more importantly, our hearts are united in resolve to minister in the name of Christ, regardless of challenges. Chantelle has become my best friend, confidant, and most precious earthly treasure in the last few months. I am thrilled to share that we recently went from practically engaged to actually engaged (check out that rock! — another funny story).
A ring pop proposal fit for a princess…
The real set arrived a few weeks later…
Much better!
We are preparing for a private, destination wedding ceremony in late fall. Then, we both have about a year remaining in our respective studies. We intend to finish those courses while considering the next steps toward our ministry goals. We will share more about that in future writing!
Sorrows
At the time of my last writing, one of my prayer requests was a home church to find a community within and rest after a long season of overwork. After doing some church-hunting, I landed at a smaller church. It happened to be Chantelle’s church, but she was not my reason for choosing there. I decided to attend for the smaller size, simple ministry approach, and relational discipleship emphasis. I enjoyed about a month or so of consistent attendance before a problem within the leadership ranks surfaced, leading to the resignation of the lead pastor and other key staff. The small church could not effectively continue, and its doors closed a few weeks later.
I label this a sorrow for multiple reasons. However, if I am honest, my sorrow is not about that one church and stems from a significant concern I feel for the larger church. I am not one to embellish, but I believe that the unhealthiness of the American church and its leaders is reaching a critical point. A quick internet scan reveals resignations, scandals, burnouts, accusations, and coverups galore in professing evangelical churches. I used to think this was a reality far removed from our area, but our local area is not exempt. Besides the church I was attending closing, I am aware of several other leadership crises in local churches at the time of this writing. I am even more aware of how long I chose to minister in functional unhealthiness — and what it cost me and others. I fear how many churches and leaders are functioning unhealthily, and what it will cost us.
That may be hard to read. That may come across as bleak or condescending. I certainly do not mean it to be either, nor do I mourn without hope. Yet, I think of Paul’s instruction to pastors and leaders via Timothy: “watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save yourself and your hearers (1 Tim. 4:16).” Leaders tend to watch one or the other, but rarely both. When this is the case, the order of life is awry.
(Freebie: Interestingly enough, the word doctrine used in this verse translates most accurately to “instruction,” and in a total sense is referring to instruction connected to life. Many leaders read this verse and think it is imploring long, arduous study and richly intellectual messages and counsel. But to watch one’s doctrine is not merely to be mindful of theological convictions. Rather, watching doctrine means considering how one instructs others in totality — what we teach, how we serve, and what we think about God as seen in how we live).
Pastor, do not dismiss that I could be describing you (1 Cor. 10:12). Many, many Pastors operate dangerously unwatched and unwatching of their own life and doctrine. Worse, I fear that others are aware and have been addressed but continue to dismiss counsel and ignore the obvious (let alone the conviction of the Spirit!) in order to continue to “serve the flock.”
Ironically, it is this very thing that causes Pastors to put themselves and their hearers at stake! No flock is in good hands if those hands are clinging too tightly to pastoral position or power out of perceived importance. Jesus is a much greater shepherd, with hands more than capable of guiding His sheep (John 10:27–28). Perhaps it is the hands of pastors holding too tightly that are the most dangerous to God’s people.
A year ago, I realized all of this was true of myself. I had to “face the music,” and I knew I had to make hard decisions and critical changes if I were to be obedient to, let alone effective for, Christ. In reality, this is a matter of obedience first, and leadership a distant second. I must not belabor this point, but I cannot write and share honestly without including this genuine concern.
To conclude this section, I implore pastors and leaders to consider the warning of Revelation 2:1–7. This warning was written to the “angel” (most commentators agree this is a term for the pastor, or leader) of the ancient church of Ephesus. This pastor was acknowledged for being perseverant in hardship, intolerant of wickedness, and faithful to the good work of ministry (Rev. 2:1–3), only to be rebuked for doing all of it without a love for Jesus (Rev. 2:4). Pastors, if your life and doctrine have gone on unwatched, do not ignore it and continue to minister out of pride, fear, obligation, obsession, need for pay, or a misplaced sense of importance. Consider your plight and repent, lest you lose your church (Rev. 2:5) and, far worse, yourself (Mark 8:36). Though these warnings are stern, God promises grace and mercy to those who come to Him in their need (Hebrews 4:15–16).
To all others, I challenge you to speak up if you have concerns about the health of your leaders or church. In doing so, be gracious, gentle, and humble, as well as truthful, clear, and urgent (Gal. 6:1). Be honoring, and do not accuse blindly or exhort harshly (1 Tim. 5:1, 17, 19). At the same time, actually consider this responsibility and act on it, and do not show partiality to your leader because of his or her status or longevity. Longevity proves nothing (1 Tim. 5:20–22, 24). Ask questions, address concerns, and closely consider the answers you receive.
Updates
It is challenging (and probably unnecessary!) to capture six months of life in one writing. Still, there are a few updates I want to share.
Fancy Living
In August, my parents retired and sold their Florida home in favor of the RV and remote mountain cabin life (if you’re not jealous of them, something is wrong with you!). I was sadly in no position financially to purchase their home, so I had to say goodbye to my childhood home and make a move quickly.
Rentals are almost as unaffordable as mortgages right now, and finding a place in a short time was an incredibly stressful experience. But it ended with an unexpected market finding and fantastic landlords who considered me despite my lack of income. I was able to pay a year’s worth of payments up front out of my savings and get moved in all before closing day.
Writing a substantial check for a yearlong lease was painful when I had other plans for the money. Still, I am grateful that the money was there in the first place. Before I knew I was leaving full-time work or would have to change living situations, God led me to sell my home and have that money available. “Never have I seen the righteous forsaken, or his children in want” (Ps. 37:25).
Life Stinks
Speaking of money, a few months back, I realized I overestimated how far my savings could take me in this current economic climate. I had to get a part-time job. The goal was to work evenings to remain focused on school during the daytime. The job that fit the bill was a nighttime trash collector.
I work five nights a week collecting and compacting household trash for apartment complexes. The job isn’t glamorous (and, admittedly, sometimes, neither is my attitude!) but pays well and is a consistent supplemental income for this transitionary season. Before I even took the job, I had elected to keep my pickup truck instead of selling it. This enabled me to come in at the top of the pay scale for bringing my personal vehicle to work — another evident provision of the Lord.
Partnerships
As I have spent time out of the full-time workforce, I have enjoyed the benefits of partnering with two local businesses: Rise Counseling Treasure Coast and Waves IT.
Rise Counseling
One reason I am pursuing counseling training is that there is a lack of quality counseling options on the Treasure Coast. Simple internet searches will yield minimal results in both the secular and Christian spheres. My long-term goal is to return to pastoral ministry here in Port St. Lucie, which is why my training is for counseling in a local church context. But that is only one side of the coin. On the other side is the need for caring, compassionate, competent counseling outside the church’s walls.
A few months ago, I connected with Stephanie, the owner and lead counselor at Rise Counseling Treasure Coast. In working with her, I have learned firsthand and through her clients that she is all those things. My role in our business partnership is to bring awareness to the practice and update its digital presence to reflect its values. I do this for financial compensation and a trained professional’s insight into the mental health landscape. I hope to combine this insight with my biblical counseling training in future ministry endeavors.
Waves IT
Though not my passion, my most marketable skills outside the ministry sector are in the technological realm. I knew that would likely come into play after leaving vocational ministry, but I didn’t know how. I did explore a full-time opportunity with a larger company in the area back in April, but it was not the best fit considering my school and ministry goals.
Then, a few months ago, I reconnected with a friend, Geoff, about his business needs and goals. My role in our business partnership is to assist as a technician and to increase awareness of the business. This is in exchange for financial compensation and the opportunity to expand my knowledge of the IT world by learning from someone with certifications and more experience.
I am enjoying working with Stephanie and Geoff not only because they have been great partners but also because they are wonderful people. I think the world needs more partnership-minded working relationships, where flexibility is offered in trust of one another. And we need more people with their mindsets and character. I honestly cannot recommend either of them enough!
If you need mental health and counseling services, visit the website (which will be updated in a few weeks…) and call Rise Counseling. The team will be ready to answer your questions and see how they can help. To stay updated and support the practice, a simple “Like” of the Facebook page and a “follow” on Instagram will help!
If you need IT support for your local business or know someone who does, check out our website and call us at Waves IT. Geoff or I will be happy to sit down with you for a no-pressure consult to see how our services would benefit your business.
And lastly, if you think I could bring some skills to your small business or passion project and want to partner with me, let’s chat! I’m always looking to build connections and see what can come from them.
School
As you can see, life has been quite busy — busier than anticipated! With all of the unexpected extras, school has unfortunately taken a bit of a hit, but I am still all about it! I have finished three classes (Intro to Biblical Counseling, Dynamics of Biblical Change, and Old Testament Survey 1) so far, and hope to squeeze in one more (Old Testament Survey 2) before the year ends. My hope is that as my life stabilizes a bit, I can refocus my attention on school more consistently heading into the new year. I also have plans to add a few extra classes to my palette in relation to crisis counseling and trauma-informed care.
Prayers
When I consider the coexistence of joys and sorrows in the routine of life, I think of Ecclesiastes 3. The go-to is the first several verses (“there is an appointed time for everything”), and they are, of course, applicable. But more recently, I have thought of verses 12–13: “there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. Each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil — this is the gift of God.”
This is my simple, overarching prayer. As I head toward marriage and continue my schooling as I consider my next steps, I want to enjoy God’s gifts and continue doing the good things worth doing. Pray that I would make conscious, daily decisions in school and work alike that lead to the satisfaction of my heart, even amidst the toil of life.
I look forward to sharing more in the months to come.
Until next time,
Andrew (& Chantelle! — that’s wonderful to type!)
