Being A Biblical Man
I recently shared a message about what it means to be a biblical man with the men’s ministry at my local church. What follows is the transcript of my message, edited to article form. The content applies to Christian men, but I hope it will benefit any reader.
There is a lot of discussion these days about “biblical manhood.” To be sure, we must consider what the Bible says about manliness. However, the discussion seems to focus more on behavior and less on character. In this piece, I want to focus on character. I want to consider what the Bible says about being a man. The starting place is Matthew 11:
Matthew 11:28–30 NIV
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Keep in mind that these are the words of Jesus Himself. Jesus, of course, was fully God, but He also was fully human. Specifically, a man! Therefore, Christ is the ultimate example of a biblical man. Again, when we think about an “example,” we often think about behavior and actions. When it comes to Jesus, we often think about what Jesus has done. We consider the work of the cross and all its implications. We consider how He fulfilled the Old Testament prophecies concerning the Messiah. We consider how He uniquely accomplished the requirements of the prophets, priests, and kings of old. At the very least, we consider His perfection, and the life He lived as a sinless man. Hebrews 4:15 says He was “tempted in every way, yet without sin.”
None of these considerations is wrong. But if you’re like me, they can be daunting. Paul tells an ancient church in 1 Corinthians 11:1 to “follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” Jesus Himself seems to challenge us toward perfection in Matthew 5:48 when He says, “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Christ’s example is perfection! How are we ever going to measure up to perfection? Is that the standard of biblical manliness? Are we to do as Christ did and do it perfectly? We know that is impossible, so maybe the standard is to get as close to perfect as possible. That doesn’t sound quite right, but it doesn’t sound entirely wrong. Be moral, upright, and respectable. Is that the standard of biblical manliness?
Backstory
Before we seek the answer to these questions, let me offer you a bit of backstory about myself to connect the dots. Humor me, alright? My name is Andrew. I have served in pastoral ministry for ten years, almost one full year of which has been at Calvary Chapel Palm City. I am married to my wife, Chantelle. We have been married for eighteen months and have one four-month-old son, Edmund James.
You probably know all that, but you might not know I was engaged to a different woman two years before I married Chantelle. We met online and distance-dated. She was intelligent and fun. We had deep, stimulating conversations; she loved the Lord and the church. The relationship had its challenges, but it seemed reasonable to move forward overall. After a year-plus of dating, I proposed, and we began merging lives. That included her moving to Port St. Lucie so we could pursue pre-marriage counseling, plan the wedding more easily, and do life “side-by-side” instead of over distance. It all seemed like it would come together.
Instead, it all came crashing down.
I will spare you the details, but as I have noted in previous writings, it was rough. It was as if we were strangers who didn’t know or understand each other. Everything fell apart about as quickly as we thought it was coming together. Within three months, we had called off our engagement, and she had moved back home. Our relationship ended, and I began to wrestle with “What went wrong?” That question was a hard one to figure out. I certainly was not a perfect boyfriend or fiancé, but throughout our dating and engagement, it seemed I did a lot of the “right” things:
I volunteered to be the one to travel to see her
I took her out on dates and paid for them
I spent time with her family and friends
I helped her with practical things
I ensured we talked about our day and aimed to grow in praying together
But it still went wrong. Why? Though plenty of factors contributed to our failed relationship, those issues may have proven less detrimental if we had just been “heart to heart” as a couple. My fiancé and I were a “couple” and acted like a “couple,” but not coupled in heart. The label informed the way we acted, but it was not who we were as people. We were not two people on their way to becoming one. That is why the relationship failed.
The experience taught me that doing life “side by side” is not much different from doing life at a distance. We are to do life “heart to heart” with others. Yet, I fear that many Christians — especially, perhaps, Christian men, relate to the Lord, their wives, their children, and others the way I related to my then-fiancé. We embrace our labels (Christian, husband, father, friend, coworker, etc.), and we sincerely do our best to play the part (read our Bibles/pray, take care of our wives, help our kids or grandkids, be kind to friends and coworkers, etc.), but our hearts are not really, deeply engaged.
Men, Jesus seeks our hearts, and we should seek His heart. Consider again the words of Matthew 11:
Matthew 11:28–30 NIV
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Here is the only place within the four Gospels where Jesus tells us about His heart. We are told much about His teachings, birth, childhood, ministry, death, burial, and resurrection, but right here, He tells us about His heart. When the Bible speaks of the heart, it is not speaking of only our emotions. It is talking about the core and center of who we are. As human beings, there is a dichotomy to us. We are embodied souls. Another way of saying that would be we are embodied hearts. The heart is what defines and directs us. In his wisdom, Solomon tells us in Proverbs 4:23 to “keep the heart with all vigilance, for out of it flows the springs of life.” The heart is not part of who we are; it is who we are. So here, Jesus focuses not on His work but on His person. He tells us who He is at the core of Himself.
This revelation into the depths of His heart is critical for those desiring to be biblical men. Jesus wants us to learn from him. But to learn, we must be teachable and willing to learn, which is counter to how a man typically thinks. We tend to think, “I’ve got this,” or “I’ll figure this out on my own.” Those of us who are longtime Christians are more likely to think, “I’ve heard this taught before,” or “I already know this,” in church or when someone is leading a small group. It is a dangerous mentality for men, for the book of Proverbs (written by the wisest man ever to live, Solomon, to his son, a young man) has much to say about men as learners, not experts.
Proverbs 19:20
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Proverbs also reminds us that we are quick to forget what we know, and that those who are wise and righteous still have more to learn.
Proverbs 4:5
Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.
Proverbs 9:9
Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.
A biblical man listens to advice, hears and accepts instruction, and recognizes the need for more wisdom and insight. A biblical man says, “I am not an expert. I do not know everything there is to know. I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t need always to be the teacher. I can be a student.”
Matthew 23:8, 10–12
But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers. Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Christ. The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
Of course, there is an essential distinctive to learning. We must learn from Jesus. Regarding access to information, we live in a time unlike any other in human history. As a new dad, I have been stunned at how often I go to Google for parenting help. I have multiple friends who are new dads, friends who have been dads for a long time, coworkers who are dads, and even my actual dad that I could ask — all of whom have more experience and wisdom gleaned from parenting than Google does! But no. I go to Google again and again. Going to Google is not wrong or sinful, but it is telling. It reveals something about me that is true of most people, perhaps more pointedly true of most men: we are conditioned to seek out information more than we are inclined to ask for wisdom.
We must recognize and remedy this disposition as Christian men, for we do not lack Christian information today. Everyone in the church/ministry world has a podcast, blog, book, or commentary. Some aim to say something about Jesus. Others focus on any number of other topics. It is a privilege to have so many resources to pull from when some countries only have a page or two of the Bible in their language. But, Jesus says, “learn from me,” not “learn about me.”
Learning from a Rabbi in Jewish culture was more than just religious education. It was learning the entire way of life of that rabbi. It was following that rabbi everywhere he went, taking note of everything he said and doing everything he instructed you to do. Jesus invites us to do more than believe; we must follow Him as an entire way of life.
We must be careful not to exclusively learn from resources filled with words about Jesus and miss the very words from Jesus given to us in the Scriptures revealed to us by the Holy Spirit. A biblical man carefully considers the words of Jesus before the content of anyone or anything else.
John 10:27
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”
John 14:26
“The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”
Hebrews 2:1
Therefore, we must pay much close attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.
Jesus reveals who He is through the words of Scripture. We want to learn from Him and His gentle, humble ways. The Greek word translated “gentle” here occurs three other times in the New Testament:
In Matthew 5:5, which says the meek will inherit the earth
In Matthew 21:5 (quoting Zechariah 9:9), Jesus is described as the king coming to you humble and mounted on a donkey
In 1 Peter 3:4, Peter encourages wives to nurture the hidden person of the heart with the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
The meaning of the word translated as “humble” (NIV) or “lowly” (ESV) overlaps with the word “gentle” and can have a two-fold meaning. On the one hand, it really can mean what it says, “humble,” speaking of humility as a virtue (such as in James 4:6, which says God “opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”). But in other places in the New Testament, it means “lowly” in the sense of someone who is not highly esteemed (such as in Luke 1:52, which says God exalts those who are “of humble estate,” or in Romans 12:16 where believers are instructed “not to be haughty but to associate with the lowly.”
Jesus is the humble, lowly son of God. Though He is magnificent and holy as God, as a man He is a plebeian, a commoner, a peasant. And He chose to be that way!
Philippians 2:5–8a
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself…
Our call as men aspiring to be biblical men is to have this same mind and heart that Christ has. A biblical man is a gentle man who humbly empties himself in service to others.
To be labeled as “gentle” or “meek” tends to conjure up this idea of an emaciated, emasculated man who is embracing his “inner woman.” That is the concept of manliness being heralded in society today. The counter is usually to teach that a real man is a testosterone-filled, steroid-enhanced, muscular, lean, mean, masculine machine that takes charge and control. These ideas find a voice in the church just as much as they do in society, but both visions fall short of what Scripture says and means.
1 Thessalonians 2:7
We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.
Ephesians 4:2
With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love
Galatians 6:1
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
2 Timothy 2:23–25
Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness…
1 Peter 3:15
In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect
Colossians 3:12
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience
Gentleness is caring and nurturing, affectionate, careful in communication, tactful during a confrontation, gracious, considerate, mild, patient, and reasonable. It is self-controlled strength and measured control. It is kind, understanding, sympathetic, and approachable. Within gentleness, there is no room for harshness, untempered anger, lashing out, inciting arguments, attacking, alienating, or abusing others in any way (emotional, physical, spiritual). Gentleness is more than doing kind things (after all, it is possible to do something kind without actually being kind). Gentleness must be formed deeply within us at the core of who we are. That will then inform our actions and interactions within relationships. We must become gentle in heart, like Jesus.
Ultimately, Jesus gives insight into his heart so He can invite us to Himself. He says, “Come to me.” What a wonder it is that Jesus, the very person of God, wants to be in a heart-to-heart relationship with us. Notice, too, that He specifically invites the “weary” and “burdened.” He is inviting anyone and everyone, for that description applies to us all in many ways. But, I think it is uniquely applicable to men. The pressures of life uniquely affect men, and Christian men, especially, are burdened differently than others. Typically, men have greater responsibility in the home, society, and church.
I see this personally. In my life, I know men burdened with the responsibility of taking care of wives with health issues. I know men burdened with the unexpected responsibility of raising their grandchildren or keeping their adult children afloat. I know men burdened by physical ailments and limitations. I know men burdened by financial strain. I know men burdened by marital challenges or even marital ruin. I know men burdened by loss. I know men burdened by lust. I know men burdened by the lost, whether it is lost loved ones or just the reality of lost people.
To be burdened does not mean you are broken beyond repair; it just means you are experiencing the effects of a broken world. This kind of burden is wearying. It makes you tired in the soul. If I am describing you, you are the person Jesus is inviting. You do not need to unburden or collect yourself to come to Jesus. Your burden and weariness qualify you to come. Jesus intentionally extends His invitation to the weary and burdened because He wants to give rest.
The rest Jesus is offering is a gift, not a transaction. The rest is not the reward of being a good, biblical man; it is a gift offered despite how often and severely you fall short of that standard! It is not necessarily a physical or emotional rest. When Jesus says, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light,” He does not mean He will free you from your pain or hardship. He does mean that He will come and live with you in your place of pain and hardship and grant your soul rest. He does mean that He will supernaturally and indescribably sustain you like a flow of cold fountain water on a hot, humid, wearying Florida day. The flow of water does not make Florida less hot, but it somehow makes the heat burden more bearable for the moment.
The only requirement?
Come to the Fountain.
John 7:37
Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink.
A biblical man continually comes to Jesus with his burdens to find rest for his weary soul.
This is such good news. If you are in Christ as a true believer, then God is at work to couple you and Him together, heart-to-heart. A new creation — a biblical man, is being formed in you. That’s happening right now, in real time. You are learning to think more like God, which makes you wise, and the wisdom God bestows is gentle (James 3:17). It starts with coming to Jesus and following Him. His gentleness toward you brings about a new fruit of gentleness in you toward others in your family, your church, and your life overall by the Spirit (Galatians 5:23; Philippians 4:5). Come to Him with your burdens, and commit to doing so again and again, as often as you need, no matter how weary you are or how weary you get. He meets you where you are and gifts you with soul rest, each and every time.
